Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
