I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he shaved USA in his pubs
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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