You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
