these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
