apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
