he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
