some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
