Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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