Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
