sarcasm needs its own font
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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