I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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