I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
