my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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