Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
