I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
