I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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