It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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