yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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