I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
