i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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