just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
