is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
