I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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