Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
