I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
