I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
