I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
