all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
