don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
