She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
