At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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