Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
