why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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