If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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