I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
