I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
