Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
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