My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
