I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
kristin has been a bad kristin
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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