I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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