WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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