just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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