Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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