I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
