I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
