apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
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