if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
