Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
