my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
