I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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