Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
