I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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