so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
im six kinds of drunk right now
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
