I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
