I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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