party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
