He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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