there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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