Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
