Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I need moral support for this bender
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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